"Siete De Mayo" Gather around and let me tell you about a story I hope never happens to you. I had to go through this so hopefully you will never have to.
To start off I can’t even believe I’m telling this story. Parts of this story I was going to take to the grave with me but if I’m going to tell it, I might as well tell it all. This story basically is a representation for the 22nd year of my life. Violence, women, and way too much liquor.
So it’s me and 2 of my homies (Rubens and Graig) chilling at the spot on Cinco de Mayo, back before I was banned from all Rutgers dorms. There’s an event in the campus center so we decide to attend and it’s a suit and tie thing so we go all out to check it out. We drunk of course and I’m texting shawty I wanted on the bus from the “Bloody Mary” story. This night almost never happened cause I was going to see what’s up with her. She dub me so there’s nothing to do. We leave the event and as we walk back to the dorms we bump into our home girl that went to Rutgers and her 2 sisters. We’ll call her Nancy and her sisters Tracy and Stacy. They all small, light skin, pretty ass faces and I had a thing for Nancy since I first met her but her sister? Might type to the tee. So we try to see what’s up. Three of them three of us so we set something up for later. Now, we really don’t have to go out and grab anything cause around this time we used to keep the dorm room stocked with liquor, hookah, and other things ready to entertain. That’s half the reason I’m not allowed into any Rutgers dorms to this day but that’s whole other story.
So we in the room chilling before they come over and my other roommate “James” were studying with the little homie “Nate”. They trying to pull an all nighter cause they have a test the next day so I’m thinking they going to do they own thing cause they’re talking about how they have some super important exam. So they in my roommate suite doing them and its only 3 girls coming so by man rules you’d think they going to mind they own business tonight. Nope. So the girls get there and we got some uno cards and this is when I shut the game down and made up drunk uno which in reality means if your willing to drink more then everyone else you’ll most likely end up with a win. So I shuffle out 6 groups of cards and we about to start playing and all I hear is “where my cards at bruh?” I see “James” and “Nate” standing there with their hands out for cards and I’m just staring him in his face in astonishment. So I just deal them their cards cause it seems like I was staring at them for a whole seven minutes at this point and he’s not going anywhere. So we all playing laughing and drinking and everything’s coo and “James” used to do this thing when he gets drunk where he recites his high school football stats and takes off his shirt. So I’m having a conversation with someone else and hear “James” spewing off his stats and turn away for half a second and this guy is shirtless already. Sixteen minutes into the night. New record. “Nate” might have been like 18 at this point and he was real smooth for his age but this wasn’t one of his better nights and at this moment I should of known it wouldn’t be because he was about 5 shots in and already talking crazy and making the room awkward and the night had just started.
Thinking back on this night I really hope they failed that test they had because obviously they ain’t really give a shit about it. Thinking about it just makes me upset.
So we finished playing and everybody’s doing they own thing so Rubens and I decide to walk to 7/11. Now to understand this next part I need to give you some background context. At this point I was getting written up in the dorms like twice a day and it’d be for stupid shit and I couldn’t even understand how they would know EXACTLY what I was up to ALL the time. So on our way out the building we see our Asian exchange student roommate Lei talking about us to security. Now I was mad but I looked at Rubens face and he was fucking furious. Furious. He is talking shit all the way to and back from 7/11. I’m quite scared for Lei. I’m like fuck it we going to handle this shit tomorrow we have to get back in the room my future wife was waiting for me.
So at this point everybody sauced. I’m talking to Graig and he not paying attention to me and I’m starting to get angry like “My nigga I’m trying to tell you why I get 15 write ups weekly!” If you know me, you know I hate, HATE when I’m talking and you either interrupt me or don’t pay attention to what I’m saying. He just looking through me so I’m like whatever and walk to my room and I think I’m talking to Nancy. So Nancy walk into the bathroom after she see’s Tracy and Stacy go in there, but door still open. So I’m looking for Rubens to see if he good and Graig grab me and tells me when I was talking to him Stacy and Tracy was making out right behind me and I’m instantly mad he didn’t tell me. I’m irate. His rational for not letting me know that crucial piece of information was he the he ain’t want to make it hot and them stop. I almost kicked him out my spot I was so upset.
So I realize what’s going on and we head STRAIGHT to the bathroom. All three of them in there making out. All 3 of us just standing there SHOCKED. We ‘re in the bathroom with the door closed just watching and “Nate’s” just banging on the door, and we’re just ignoring the shit out of him. I have my phone out and Nancy knocks it into the toilet and she’s apologizing saying she could fix it so she goes into my kitchen and gets my entire bag of rice that I’m planning on using and dumps my toilet water phone into the whole thing and I’m just looking at her drunk ass speechless. At this same time Rubens is knocking on Lei’s door yelling at him to come outside. I can’t handle both situations at once so I go calm down Rubens and leave my home girl to ruin that $20 bag of rice. Rubens mad but Lei not stupid enough to open his door when this angry black man is banging his door down so I tell him to chill. He’s not chilling. I tell him there are 2 maybe 3 girls in the bathroom making out getting nasty. He in the bathroom before I finish my sentence. At this point it’s six of us in this small bathroom and me and my niggas is stuck. They were getting nasty in the tub and we just stuck lol. So at this time “Nate’s” BANGING on the door trying to get into the bathroom and we ignoring the shit out of him until he start banging like he the feds with a warrant. So they stop cause of his banging and one of opens the door and SPAZES on “Nate”. I cant remember who or what was said but he got the message and just walked to the right of the bathroom which was weird cause my room was the only thing to the right of us.
I guess the girls not in the mood anymore so they stop and I’m in Nancy ear and I’m bringing her back to my room and as soon as we walk in I see “Nate” passed out on my bed with a trail of throw up leading from his mouth to my door. I’m pissed. So Nancy just sit down in the desk and I’m yelling at “Nate”. “ You threw up in my fucking room” and he do the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. He literally pop up and wipes throw up off his mouth and say’s “ No I didn’t” then speed walks out my dorm to his room. I’m stunned. So I go and tell Graig what just happened and what he did next let me know this was going to be my mans. He gets the broom and floor scrubber and is like “you getting some ass” and goes and cleans the throw up off the floor. Salute the real! He clean it and comes and gets me in the bathroom cause I got this problem where I throw up whenever I see throw up and says he cleaned it. We walk in to my room and Nancy stands up and starts talking and just hurls everywhere. Can’t do anything but laugh at this point. She apologizing and I’m here half sad and half “it’s funny” crying. So I just go to sleep. Nancy there next to me but.. Nah, just nah.
I wake up in the morning and go to the kitchen and see Graig squished up in the small ass one-person chair next to Nancy sister who I wanted and just start laughing cause they look stupid as shit and half cursing him out cause I’m tight. Other then that it was a classic Boxhound night.
P.S. We found out all three of them weren’t related which makes the night a little less creepy.